Naming Guardians: The Most Important Decision You Never Want To Make
Estate planning is full of big decisions. But if you’re a parent, one rises above the rest: Who will take care of your children if you can’t?
Attorneys such as our friends at The J M Dickerson Law Firm know that It’s a tough question—maybe even the toughest. No one wants to imagine not being there for their kids. But failing to plan means you’re leaving that decision to a judge who’s never met your family.
This article will help you:
- Understand what guardianship really means
- Explore how to choose the right person
- Learn how to legally document your decision
- Address the common fears and emotional blocks that stop people from naming a guardian
What A Guardian Does
In estate planning, a guardian is the person you legally designate to care for your minor children if you die or become incapacitated.
There are two key roles here:
- Guardian of the person – Raises your child, makes daily decisions, signs permission slips, chooses schools, provides love and guidance.
- Guardian of the estate – Manages any inheritance or money the child receives.
These roles can be split between two people or shared by the same person.
What Happens If You Don’t Name A Guardian
If no legal guardian is named in your estate plan:
- A court decides who raises your children.
- Family members may disagree—and fight.
- The process can be long, expensive, and emotionally draining.
- Your child may end up in temporary foster care until the court rules.
Leaving such an important decision up to the court can be catastrophic for your children and your family.
How To Choose The Right Guardian
This is where most parents freeze. “There’s no perfect choice,” they say, and they’re right, but the goal isn’t to find perfection—it’s to find someone who can love your children, provide a stable home, and raise them with the values that matter most to you.
Key Questions to Ask Regarding a Potential Guardian:
- Do they share your parenting style or core values?
- Are they emotionally and physically capable of raising kids?
- Do they live in a place you’d want your children to grow up?
- Do your children already know and trust them?
- Are they financially stable?
- Would they be willing to serve?
You May Want to Consider:
- Age and health
- Location and stability
- Existing children or obligations
- Religious or cultural values
- Family dynamics (sometimes close friends are better than relatives)
It’s ok if the guardian is not a close relative or even a relative at all. Picking the best person for the task is most important.
What To Do If You And Your Spouse Disagree
It’s common for parents to have different ideas of who is best fit to serve as a guardian, but solving this disagreement is important. Start by listing out both of your top choices and discussing:
- Shared values
- Lifestyle compatibility
- Parenting experience
- Willingness
If you’re still stuck, consider choosing a temporary guardian now and revisiting the decision regularly. Remember: an imperfect plan is better than no plan.
Splitting The Roles: Guardian Vs. Financial Trustee
Sometimes the best caregiver isn’t the best money manager. That’s okay!
You can name one person to raise your children and a different person (or institution) to manage the money in a trust until the children are adults.
This allows for checks and balances:
- One person provides nurture and care
- Another handles budgeting, investment, and education costs
This approach is especially useful if you’re worried about spending discipline—or just want professional financial oversight.
Making It Official: How To Document Your Guardian Choice
Verbal promises won’t cut it. To legally designate a guardian, you need to:
- Include your choice in your will – This is the most common method.
- Use a separate legal designation – Some states allow you to nominate guardians outside the will (especially helpful if both parents die in a common disaster).
- Write a letter of intent – This isn’t legally binding, but it helps express your wishes, values, and parenting goals to the guardian and the court.
An experienced trust lawyer can help you ensure your documents meet state laws and are properly witnessed and executed.
Letting Your Guardian Know—And Preparing Them
Once you’ve chosen, don’t leave them in the dark. Have a conversation with them about the responsibility of being a guardian, and ask them if they are willing to take on that mantle. Give them time to respond. If they say yes, give them the information they need:
- Copies of your legal documents
- A letter of intent
- Emergency contacts
- Key details about your children’s medical, educational, and emotional needs
You’re Not Predicting The Future—You’re Protecting It
Naming a guardian isn’t about being pessimistic. It’s about being prepared. It’s not a sign you expect the worst—it’s a gift to your children, offering stability in chaos and love in the midst of loss. When you plan with intention, you give your children more than protection—you give them peace of mind and a future shaped by your love.